Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Would you say to your soon.....

to be 16 year old son, when he tells you he doesn't want to go to college that in this house you either go to college or move out? Shouldn't that be the time to talk about it and maybe find out why?

I have to say that I'm gobsmacked that my former daughter in law would say this to my grandson.

Hmmm I think I'm more angry than I thought. That's the first time that I've ever referred to her as my former dil.


sassymonkey said...

No,I wouldn't say that. Mind you I don't have kids. But traditional college isn't for everyone. I would ask him what his plan is though. Who knows - maybe he wants to do a trade.

DrumsNWhistles said...

I would applaud him and suggest that he develop a plan for what exactly he plans to do in lieu of school. I was forced to go to college when I had no clue what I wanted to do with myself. If I had spent a couple of years working or volunteering or something, I would have gone back to school with renewed resolve.

I definitely wouldn't say what his mother said. But I suspect she was reacting to the idea that her son -- who she likely has high hopes for -- was choosing a path she didn't see as wise. Not a great example of parental communication, but I've had more than my share of bad ones, too. Hopefully they will work it out.

Teena said...

Kinda of a harsh thing to say to a 16 year old.

Chunks said...

Oh Lord, you'd drop over dead if you heard some of the things I say to my 16 year old daughter then!!!

I've always told my kids that some form of post secondary education is mandatory in this house. It's my biggest regret that I didn't get an education, so I stress that they are young women living in one of the most advanced countries in the world and to skip getting an education is a huge slap in the face to women who have made those kinds of opportunities possible for you. I eke out a long-winded guilt ridden explanation as to why they need to go and they say "Yes mom, we are going to college...."

Whatever works, I say. They can write a tell-all book after they get a degree. haha!

~ nellenelle said...

June, 2002, my eldest finished high school. We both so wished for her to go to college, and for a while, she might have chosen the school we attended.

She sat us down, and explained right now it was not for her. She was bored with school, and we both knew she was. We told her we preferred she go, but we also understood she made the decision on what was appropriate for her life, and no matter her choice, we would support her choices/be there for her.

Funny, she took a job with her mom, and has never looked back, earns around 40k a year now 4 years later, and owned her own home at 19.

I hope she goes one day, but it's her call to make... always.

Ballpoint Wren said...

I'd ask him to pick one of the following:

1) Go to college
2) Go to trade school
3) Get a job
4) Join the Peace Corp (or some other volunteer organization that will take you on full-time.)
5) Move out.

I think there's more than one option than just going to college. But if your grandson doesn't want to do any of these things, then he might need to live on his own in the real world for a while.

My nephew went through the same thing. All he wanted to do was play video games all day (he's 26!) and that just would not do.

Vanda said...

Hiya Bonne. He has CP so a lot of his choices are limited. He told me a couple of weeks ago that he wanted to come over here for a couple of years and is thinking about chosing British citizenship when he's 18 but I'm not so sure that would be a good move for him.

He's taking German at school so maybe tranlating will be in his future.

Thanks everyone for you comments.

Kim said...

Well, I wouldn't say that to my 16 year old because here you're in high school until you are almost 18.

But...once you are 18, in this house, you are expected to be in college, a trade school (such as culinary school) or working a full time job and once you are 22 (when you would be graduating from college anyway) , your behind is out supporting yourself.

In this house, college isn't a suggestion, it is expected. But that's because all of my kids have wanted to go and none of them ever expressed a different opinion.

And yes, I would listen if college wasn't for them, as long as they had some plan as to what they did want to do. Some kids do well with a year off to work and get some life-experience. They appreciate college more.

I don't do the live-at-home-until-you're-30 routine. You have to make your own way in the world.